Work in Progress

maybe its time, to give it up
hit rewind, to where it starts
try to see, where things went wrong
and try to live, separate lives go on

believe me when I say,
its better to leave it this way
believe me when I say,
I hate to go, but I cant stay
you lost me today

What you Want and Need: Two entirely different things

You sit in your chair, spinning circles and waiting for time to pass by. Crumpling of printer paper, and a waste basket is your only salvation or escape from the life you have let yourself have, resulting from compromising it little by little. Ring..ring...the looming sound of bad news fills the air. Should I answer it? Should I call back if I dont? questions run through my head, not realizing that I already made up my mind. Walk to the coffee machine....drip drip, the same coffee, tasting of routine and bad decisions. And yet its still a staple of my mornings. Now its time for the meeting. Sitting in the room with two predatory animals, I wonder which employee will be on the feeding plate? Hoping it is not me, I try not to make eye contact, yet despite of my efforts, I still am the target of interrogation and harsh words. A firing squad of words ordered by this blonde tyrant, and me if front of the wall blind folded and ready to meet my fate. After my so called well deserved lecture, I turn right into another dead end that is my life. Telephones are great, they ring when you need more bad news, and when you finally answer the news is worse.
I forget again why I am writing this blog, or why I am even wasting my time touching finger tips to these keys tonight. Late night habit? or a misery cover-up? I do not even know what surged this on tonight.

Georgian-Russian Conflict

A flash, a loud bang echoes throughout the Georgian landscape, as its borders are invaded by the mother country of Russia. As Russian troops make their way through South Ossetia, followed by Gori, and ultimately taking the capital Tbilisi, the American people watches a more important event; Phelps winning a recorded breaking 8 gold medals in a single Olympics. I find myself surprised and somewhat distraught when a blank stare is the response to my comments about their thoughts of the upcoming war, and even more disturbed when their reply is "America is being invaded?" No one here seems to know where Georgia is and why there is such turmoil in the country. But everyone knows that Micheal Phelps is 5 medals away from the world record.

So what are my real issues on this war? Well first of all, the lack of awareness and the lack of attempt at awareness in this small patch of NY is amazing. No one seems to care or understand what great negative implication these pre-war issues have on the American way of life. If these war issues between Georgia and Russia are not mediated, then war is eminent. Economically we may see a rise, but at what price? Higher taxes, increased energy costs, mandated drafts, and the most important cost; the loss of lives.
Let me break down the issue for those who do not follow current events that will ultimately affect yours lives and the lives of your loved ones (present or future). In a nut shell, due to military "confusion" or some may say "military planning", Russia is currently (without signs of backing down) invading the small country of Georgia. Why? No one really knows. It could be a power trip, interest in oil, or just a unification of the Soviet Union. But anyways, Russian invasion continues to escalate despite the UN's mandate of a cease-fire. The continuous insubordination and carnage of Russia on Georgian soil has created an involvement of the US to "choose a side". Ultimately if Russia does not comply with the request of the UN and the United States to leave Georgia, war is will be the next step. Well I guess its just time for another war.....cold war 2 here we come, and Micheal Phelps good luck with your gold medal race , America's people has its eyes on you and nothing else.

This is it....

And I am still sitting here trying to make sense of life. So many different avenues and side streets that make everything so interesting. New bridges made, some burned, and others...just need a couple of repairs. I feel like this cliche character, right out of some song or story. You know the kind that promises to stay in touch, but as the days pass by, phone calls turn to instant messages, instant messages become text messages, texts become emails, and slowly but surely communication is reduced to mere myspace comments and facebook pokes. And those promises that were kept with trust and tears have been buried and kept at bay with the excuse of a much busier life. "Ill call them tomorrow", is what I say to myself, with no intentions of doing so, or at the least with the intention of doing so, but hoping that work would take over which would result in not calling back...It seems that it would come easy for me to shut people out of my life some would say, and to an extent, they are not far from the truth. But there are times that I reminisce of past days...days that remind me that life does not have to be a cruel teacher all the time. Its interesting; interesting in the respect of dysfunctional, that I , in some sick way enjoy my isolated and introverted self. I do not know....I guess life is just tough all around.

Where everybody knows your name

Well heres the final chapter.....and I am still dreading to read it. I am not quite sure what I am afraid of. Am I afraid of the end, or am I afraid of starting a new chapter? There is so many things that go on in the minds of young people, me its the mistakes that I wish I could take back, and to some its the mistakes that they wish they made. Just goes to show there are so many uncertainties in life. I guess all we can hope for is the best, and all we can plan for is tomorrow and not the months to come. But always remember, you could always just go out for coffee and a walk to set things right in your head.

Farewell Boston

Ding Ding, the greenline passes by as I make myself to work. The walks seem to be much colder, and there seems to be no way to keep myself warm. My head is down and my hands are in my pockets singing to myself trying make the time pass by faster. I forget the words, so I start a different song. As I walk into the garage and into those doors labeled BSC, I pass by the familiar faces that use to give a me some comfort, some feeling of belonging in this new and different city. I walk to the office, limiting myself from some conversational interaction, I was solely there just to do my job and quickly leave. I sit in the office, a mindless robot, robbed of passion and drive. And for each second I am sitting there, hearing the ego driven verbal exchanges that lack compassion, I become sick to my stomach and irritated that such people really exists. I did my job for today, selling insecurities and warped body images. I pack my bag up and begin to walk out of the "health factory." I pass the familiar faces again, and this time comfort is replaced with disappointment. I begin my walk back home....it is still pretty cold. I cross the street, ding ding, the T passes by again. The same people pass me on the street, the same cars, same kids, same pets. I finally get home, I put the key into the door....I realize, its time for something else. A life more fulfilling, at least in my definition of fulfillment, and not the kind that equates with money or how many people you can make feel insecure. So farewell Boston, its been nice knowing you , maybe we will meet again.

good morning sunshine

"Good morning Boston, its seems to be a very bright and sunny day, go out and enjoy it" said the news reporter on the television. But if you ask me, I don't think that hes been out all day. Although the sun is shining and smiling on the people of this miserable city, I think its still pretty frigid outside. The wind is blowing this cold stinging draft, and no amount of warm clothing can keep me warm. So much for Mr. sun, a lot you have done....Well I guess its good for my plants, but then again my plants don't really need to walk outside to get to work....stupid plants..... So back to my rant. It is about 3 pm and I am dreading the short walk to work, not to mention my passion for my work is slowly thinning. To be quite frank, I do not know what I am doing in Boston. My purpose, or what I thought my purpose for being is gone or has disappeared. And I am holding on to the hope that it will get better. Maybe it is time for a new location, somewhere where I can truly find a purpose, a reason, the underlying facts that is alluding vision, maybe I am just crazy, but you never know until you have tried I guess. So this is it, a first step to the direction of moving on and leaving this city I have both began to fall in love with and ultimately hate. Maybe this was not the time in which I was suppose to live here. Maybe another time, Boston will maybe begin to be my home....or maybe I am just lying to myself.